A Reason to Write

So glad you could stop by. I am in dire need of an outlet- and an audience, even if its mostly in my head. I find myself at a crossroads in my life, and my conflicting emotions about who I am and who I can be make it necessary for me to write. A common story, I know. I will be 24 next month. Most of my life I have had little ambition but to be a good wife and a good mother. Not to belittle those ambitions, of course, as I still aspire towards those goals. But my ideas about what makes a "good" wife or a "good" mother have lately been challenged. Am I a good wife because I keep the home relatively clean and cook good meals for my family? Am I a good mother because I am currently available to my daughter full-time, and have been since her birth almost nine months ago? Or would improving who I am on my own, as an individual separate from my family, in turn improve my ability to care for my family in the right ways? The answer seems obvious. Cooking, cleaning, diapering... I don't mind filling these roles. I don't feel that they've been imposed on me by a chauvinistic society. But recently I have realized that its really not about learning to be the best wife and the best mom. I can simply be the best version of me, and that will take care of all the roles I fill.